Countries have been formed. Governments have been created, developed, reached peaks of artistic and intellectual prowess, and then become sufficiently bloated with worthless bureaucrats and people with no skills other than the ability to give a vapid, meaningless speeches to an adoring yet purposefully ill-informed populace that they resemble nothing better than a drowning victim. At that point, the governments fail, and the countries fall.
Rome as an imperial state has risen and fallen numerous times, each form wholly unlike the one preceding it. Other empires have risen and fallen, like the British empire. The United States today is often accused of trying to make itself an empire. It is the nature of empires to develop, peak, and then self-destruct.
The Holy Roman Empire did a rather splendid job of self-destructing. I suspect that's why I haven't had to fight anyone for the title of Holy Roman Empress. After all, who else would want to rule a non-existent empire? It's not like I have the ability to levy taxes against my citizens. I don't even have citizens. However, that is one of the greatest aspects of my Holy Roman Empire. I have no proletariat to rise against the bourgeoisie. I have no bourgeoisie to band together and make me sign some ghastly compact giving them rights like the great Feudal Lords of England did to King John via the Magna Carta. I still have to pay my state and federal taxes to the U.S.A. even though I could easily declare it a part of my Holy Roman Emperor, and assign a Praetor Peregrinus to check on the government, and make sure that they're adhering to the Constitution, and maintaining horizontal and vertical separation of powers.
After all, there is no politician who should wield the sort of power I wield as Holy Roman Empress, or at least would wield if there were a Holy Roman Empire over which I could exert power. In my Holy Roman Empire, I would be judge, jury, prosecutor, defense counsel, and Lord High Executioner. I certainly would not codify my laws, unlike the Code of Hamurabi, Justinian's Digest, the Lex Romana Visigothorum, the Lex Burgundium, Las Siete Partidas, The Code Napoleon, the Louisiana Civil Code, books of Statutes, or any other reference. My rulings would depend on my mood at the time, and how well I was bribed. As I said, I still have to pay all my taxes and such to the United States, so bribes would be very welcome. Bribes in the form of cute kittens would be most appreciated. In fact, whichever party could bring me the cutest kitten would win, and the opposing party would be summarily executed. I'd keep the less-cute kitten, too.
My personal philosophy of fiscal conservatism coupled with social libertarianism will be embodied in my rule as Holy Roman Empress. If the empire is in need, I'll get the cute kittens with which I've been bribed to look really hungry and pitiful, and then people from all around will feel compelled to give me things. However, such giving is purely on a charity basis, unless I get really desperate, in which case I'll threaten people to contribute. If they fail to contribute, I'll follow up on my threat, which means I'll leave toenail clippings and hair clogs where they can't be missed.
Furthermore, I really don't care what you do in the privacy of your own home. I don't care about your gender, your sexual orientation, what books you read, what movies you watch, what music you play, or how you educate your offspring. My Holy Roman Empire will provide some quality and some completely sub-par public schools to which you can send your child, free of charge, if you're in the United States. It will also provide access to the best medical care in the world (at least according to my family members who live outside the U.S.), so long as you can pay for it. I can try to convince them to charge you less if you bribe me with cute kittens. However, I make no promises that my attempts at lowering your bills will be successful. Unless, of course, the United States does become a socialist country, in which case, all the best doctors will leave here and go try to find a country where they can get paid for the added value of their expertise and talent in the field, but I will provide you with access to whatever medical facilities are left, free or nearly free of charge. Mind you, this will cause an increase in taxes at some point (maybe not in the next 4 years, but someday within my lifetime), in which case I will require larger bribes to continue ruling the Holy Roman Empire. Entire litters of cute kittens may be required. Be forewarned.
The best thing about my governing strategy is the extremity of its fiscal conservatism. No bridges to nowhere. No politicians jet-setting on the Riviera. No politicians at all. My Holy Roman Empire demands nothing of its citizens, except that they revere me, and follow the random whims that I'll call laws. There are no taxes, there are no dues, there is no admission fee. Gifts and outright bribes are appreciated but only rarely demanded. I don't need an army, because I have no borders to defend. And if anyone has the gall to declare war on my Holy Roman Empire, I'll send them a sharply-worded letter of reprimand, just like the U.N. would do. Plus, I'm heavily armed, and prepared to defend my landless empire by lobbing wadded up cat turds at the enemy. Stinky ones. There are no roads to maintain, no aquaducts to construct, and best of all - NO BUREAUCRACY! I am the tyrant. I am the Chosen One. Sure, I chose myself, but what difference does that make? Nobody's questioned my choice, at least not yet.
In short, I am the Holy Roman Empress by default. Nobody else wanted this thankless job, so I seized the title, and I will defend it with stinky cat turds. Therefore, the Holy Roman Empire is MINE! MINE MINE MINE!
Anyway, the purpose of the blog will be my opportunity to vent about how I would do things differently than the world leaders of today do them, if I actually had the power of the Roman Emperor of long, long ago. Expect satire. Expect invective. Expect venom. Expect the French to fetchez la vache in response to a volley of cat turds if they do something stupid. NOBODY is immune. Yes, this is going to be a political blog. However, as my political beliefs do not fall in line with any major or minor party, you can expect me to lambast right, left, center, and stupid. My Holy Roman Empire does not have parties. There is no voting, unless I suddenly develop multiple personalities that don't always agree with each other. THERE IS ONLY XUL ... er, I mean, THERE IS ONLY THE HOLY ROMAN EMPRESS (who happens not to be holy, more than 1/4 Roman, or an empress except in a world that does not exist - a world governed by me, in which the trains would run on time, and the planes, and funeral processions wouldn't hold up traffic).
Rome as an imperial state has risen and fallen numerous times, each form wholly unlike the one preceding it. Other empires have risen and fallen, like the British empire. The United States today is often accused of trying to make itself an empire. It is the nature of empires to develop, peak, and then self-destruct.
The Holy Roman Empire did a rather splendid job of self-destructing. I suspect that's why I haven't had to fight anyone for the title of Holy Roman Empress. After all, who else would want to rule a non-existent empire? It's not like I have the ability to levy taxes against my citizens. I don't even have citizens. However, that is one of the greatest aspects of my Holy Roman Empire. I have no proletariat to rise against the bourgeoisie. I have no bourgeoisie to band together and make me sign some ghastly compact giving them rights like the great Feudal Lords of England did to King John via the Magna Carta. I still have to pay my state and federal taxes to the U.S.A. even though I could easily declare it a part of my Holy Roman Emperor, and assign a Praetor Peregrinus to check on the government, and make sure that they're adhering to the Constitution, and maintaining horizontal and vertical separation of powers.
After all, there is no politician who should wield the sort of power I wield as Holy Roman Empress, or at least would wield if there were a Holy Roman Empire over which I could exert power. In my Holy Roman Empire, I would be judge, jury, prosecutor, defense counsel, and Lord High Executioner. I certainly would not codify my laws, unlike the Code of Hamurabi, Justinian's Digest, the Lex Romana Visigothorum, the Lex Burgundium, Las Siete Partidas, The Code Napoleon, the Louisiana Civil Code, books of Statutes, or any other reference. My rulings would depend on my mood at the time, and how well I was bribed. As I said, I still have to pay all my taxes and such to the United States, so bribes would be very welcome. Bribes in the form of cute kittens would be most appreciated. In fact, whichever party could bring me the cutest kitten would win, and the opposing party would be summarily executed. I'd keep the less-cute kitten, too.
My personal philosophy of fiscal conservatism coupled with social libertarianism will be embodied in my rule as Holy Roman Empress. If the empire is in need, I'll get the cute kittens with which I've been bribed to look really hungry and pitiful, and then people from all around will feel compelled to give me things. However, such giving is purely on a charity basis, unless I get really desperate, in which case I'll threaten people to contribute. If they fail to contribute, I'll follow up on my threat, which means I'll leave toenail clippings and hair clogs where they can't be missed.
Furthermore, I really don't care what you do in the privacy of your own home. I don't care about your gender, your sexual orientation, what books you read, what movies you watch, what music you play, or how you educate your offspring. My Holy Roman Empire will provide some quality and some completely sub-par public schools to which you can send your child, free of charge, if you're in the United States. It will also provide access to the best medical care in the world (at least according to my family members who live outside the U.S.), so long as you can pay for it. I can try to convince them to charge you less if you bribe me with cute kittens. However, I make no promises that my attempts at lowering your bills will be successful. Unless, of course, the United States does become a socialist country, in which case, all the best doctors will leave here and go try to find a country where they can get paid for the added value of their expertise and talent in the field, but I will provide you with access to whatever medical facilities are left, free or nearly free of charge. Mind you, this will cause an increase in taxes at some point (maybe not in the next 4 years, but someday within my lifetime), in which case I will require larger bribes to continue ruling the Holy Roman Empire. Entire litters of cute kittens may be required. Be forewarned.
The best thing about my governing strategy is the extremity of its fiscal conservatism. No bridges to nowhere. No politicians jet-setting on the Riviera. No politicians at all. My Holy Roman Empire demands nothing of its citizens, except that they revere me, and follow the random whims that I'll call laws. There are no taxes, there are no dues, there is no admission fee. Gifts and outright bribes are appreciated but only rarely demanded. I don't need an army, because I have no borders to defend. And if anyone has the gall to declare war on my Holy Roman Empire, I'll send them a sharply-worded letter of reprimand, just like the U.N. would do. Plus, I'm heavily armed, and prepared to defend my landless empire by lobbing wadded up cat turds at the enemy. Stinky ones. There are no roads to maintain, no aquaducts to construct, and best of all - NO BUREAUCRACY! I am the tyrant. I am the Chosen One. Sure, I chose myself, but what difference does that make? Nobody's questioned my choice, at least not yet.
In short, I am the Holy Roman Empress by default. Nobody else wanted this thankless job, so I seized the title, and I will defend it with stinky cat turds. Therefore, the Holy Roman Empire is MINE! MINE MINE MINE!
Anyway, the purpose of the blog will be my opportunity to vent about how I would do things differently than the world leaders of today do them, if I actually had the power of the Roman Emperor of long, long ago. Expect satire. Expect invective. Expect venom. Expect the French to fetchez la vache in response to a volley of cat turds if they do something stupid. NOBODY is immune. Yes, this is going to be a political blog. However, as my political beliefs do not fall in line with any major or minor party, you can expect me to lambast right, left, center, and stupid. My Holy Roman Empire does not have parties. There is no voting, unless I suddenly develop multiple personalities that don't always agree with each other. THERE IS ONLY XUL ... er, I mean, THERE IS ONLY THE HOLY ROMAN EMPRESS (who happens not to be holy, more than 1/4 Roman, or an empress except in a world that does not exist - a world governed by me, in which the trains would run on time, and the planes, and funeral processions wouldn't hold up traffic).
